Q & A Table of Contents
His Negotiation Tactics Are Unfair
From: Nick, Perth, Australia
Question: My Manager has a reputation for putting himself first to the detriment of his personnel. He will not support his team to company management, whether in a meeting, training, resources, or remuneration.
A very shrewd operator, he been on all the leadership & management courses, yet in a non confrontational environment one feels a lack of sincerity when interacting with him. He appears awkward & unnatural when giving a speech that is supposed to inspire & lead. Straight from the textbook, nearly word for word (The Leadership Challenge for example).
Negotiations however are a different story. employing the same textbook material to his advantage to defeating‚ his opponent. This not only empower him, but also meets his chief objectives.
He two approaches to negotiation. The first when he has time for preparation, it appears he studies all angles. Any point raised has a responses fired back, usually to the negative. The feeling one has is he doesn’t listen, but simply reacts to what is said. To win, he has been known to exploit personal weaknesses such as questioning loyalty, reputation, or highlight mistakes or weaknesses -- this is especially effective with Junior staff, & done in a very non-threatening manner. It becomes difficult to debate the subject & remain calm, which appears to be the objective.
The 2nd is catching him unprepared, which has no advantage other than see him uncomfortable in front of a group. This may be, say, a performance management issue which he has promoted, yet not delivered. One strategy employed to deflect the question is to highlight an alternative & often less important issue that is known to generate an emotional response, or put someone on the spot.
Highlighting issues or promoting changes for improvement are ineffective if brought into discussion directly.
I have tried many different strategies to implement a change of behaviour. The most effective requires subtly planting the seed of an idea, & allow him to take ownership. This is only effective in a medium-long term scenario, & if not involving a significant cost or risk. Any personal credit is forfeited. I don't mind this occasionally, but it's akin to doing someone else's homework & they get a better mark!
The second requires selling an idea to other Managers who may benefit to build support. Partially informing before a meeting, I prompt another manager to highlight it for discussion. His inability to disagree with peers works against him, however later berated me for not fully disclosing the idea.
I guess I am learning a great deal about how to mismanage, but it's difficult to maintain a positive environment for myself & my Team - especially when we put in so much effort.
Beyond my position the opportunities in this global corporation are exceptional, however it is a necessary career step to stay under this management for the medium term.
I wish to take this to a higher authority, however I fear this could be a career-shortening move - I am not close enough to trust someone far enough up the ladder, & am certain he could weasel out of trouble.
In any case I would rather deal with, & be seen to deal with this one myself. Can one negotiate with this type of person without sinking to his methods? With the important negotiations are behind closed doors, could I invite a 3rd party? On what pretence?
Response: You need to do a number of things. By indicating you don’t feel safe bringing this person’s behavior to a higher authority, you have not ruled out discussions with your peers to compare notes on how they’ve dealt most successfully with your Manager. One of the things to investigate is why he is compelled to win, why he treats his colleagues or subordinates as opponents rather than as partners. He needs to learn that negotiation is not a competitive sport, that getting people to agree by treating them badly may provide short-term gains, but long-term losses.
So one line of questioning you should pursue is to find out what there is in his background in the company — or with other parts of his life — that leads him to behave as he does. It sounds as if he has mastered many dirty tricks.
If you can identify dirty tricks he uses, one thing you can do is call attention to the reality that you are not oblivious to the game he is playing. Underscore your capacity to figure out what is going on — and how your knowledge of his attempted manipulation is something that bothers you. Don’t say, “You’re trying to make me feel bad by focusing on my weakness.” That’s just an accusation and only escalates confrontation or conflict — which is not in your interest. Rather say something like “When this sort of old mistake or weakness in me is raised, I feel as if I’m being treated like a bad puppy.”
Think about your BATNA — your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. What do you need your manager for? Is there someone else with whom you can work on issues who has more to offer (at least from a psychological point of view) than this manipulative person?
When it comes to issues where you generate ideas and your Manager steals them and claims them for himself, perhaps your wisest action would be to submit everything to him in writing — with copies going to colleagues or others with whom you can create what is called a ‘paper trail’ -- evidence of the source of the idea or proposal.
Can you change your job within the company — or even within the industry? If your manager keeps losing key personnel, people who supervise him will notice.
Think about ‘what’s the worst thing he can do if I . . . ?’ Perhaps you should be late for any meetings with him, avoid meeting him entirely, find other ways to get the job done without involving him.
The critical thing to recognize is that you are not his psychiatrist. You are not likely to change his personal style. You can, however, modify your own style based on your understanding of your Manager’s behavior.
Get creative. Find ways to make him nervous about negotiating with you — while you should be in control of your emotions, you should consider how to use your emotions to unsettle him.
If he says something outrageous, put on a poker face — respond with silence, just stare at him as you would at any person who behaves outrageously. Let him wonder about you rather than making you have to always wonder what he’s going to do next.
This is a challenging situation. I wish you good luck,
Steve
|
