Q & A Table of Contents
We're Doing It Right, But They Treat Us Wrong
From: Danielle, Hillsdale, NJ
Question: We recently moved to an upscale neighborhood, however the house we
purchased needed a lot of work. This is great for my husband who is a builder but we have been having some issues with our neighbors and are utterly frustrated.
First we began getting letters from the town regarding code violations in
respect to his commercial vehicles etc..we since have resolved those matters
with the town but the complaints continued.
Inasmuch as my husband has to deal on a regular basis with zoning offices
and such, he went to some of the neighbors who we found out complained to
introduce himself and ask that if they have issues with us, to please come
to us instead of causing us trouble at the town.
The neighbors have been nasty and basically told us that we don't belong in
their neighborhood. They object to things like the dumpster on the front
lawn (we are doing work to the house which will ultimately improve the
neighborhood) but this all takes time and it doesn't seem like they care to
wait. We have tried to resolve an issue with the neighbor immediately
behind us and they just called the police yesterday claiming that we
threatened them.
What do we do? We have two small children and I can't take this anymore?
Response: It sounds as if you and your husband are behaving more than
responsibly. You need to consider the choices available to you and then
decide how to go forward.
How long will the construction project on your house take? If you and your
husband contact the local officials and discuss the construction process,
the timing, and the overall design -- bringing them onto your 'team' -- that
should create some allies for you among the town employees. In other words,
if the zoning and police know your plans and what to expect, they are less
likely to take the side of nasty neighbors.
You should also research the neighborhood to find potential allies among
folks with whom you have things in common: families with small children;
people who have lived there for about the same length of time as you;
members of your place of worship, sports teams, or other organizations to
which you or your husband are connected. Finding people who are open to
understanding your situation can help a great deal.
If you have construction plans and/or an architectural rendering of your
plans for your house, you could invite neighbors to a party on your lawn to
look at the plans so they know what to expect. The invitation should be
sent in writing, rather than delivered in a personal visit. Often people
take personal visits as intrusions -- even when they are undertaken with the
best of intentions.
Figure out how much you care about the neighbors; if the local officials are
understanding, the neighbors won't find it as easy to call the cops on you
whenever they feel like it. If you can ignore the neighbors, or at least
the nastiest ones, life will ultimately work out. As long as you've got
friends who are supportive, whether they live in the neighborhood or are
simply there for you when you need them, you will be okay.
Once the construction is finished, unless your neighbors are very strange
people, they will slowly accept the fact that you are part of the
neighborhood. They will find ways to connect and to come around for
charitable collections, to sell Girl Scout cookies, etc. It will take
patience on your part -- but unless the neighbors are violent people, it
should work out in the end.
Good luck, and remember that if you show grace under pressure, you will like
yourself better.
Steve
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