Q & A Table of Contents
EFFECTIVE LISTENING APPROACH
From: Dallas, TX
Question: Please send me more information on your listening approach.
Response: The listening approach I recommend is generally known as 'active listening'. When we provide training or consulting services, we remind people that they learn far more with their ears open than with their mouth open. We encourage people to ask questions, after all the only dumb questions are the ones you don't ask.
In effect, active listening requires holding on to your own self-control and focusing on what other parties are saying. Don't sit there fuming waiting for a chance to zap them when they finally shut up. Paying attention to their points and emphases gives you a clearer idea of what is really important to them, what their interests are.
Follow-up inquiries on unclear points, careful summarizing of what they have said (Did I understand you correctly to say . . .?) gives your ultimate response greater credibility, because it is obviously based on your having paid attention.
In doing this, you change the rules of the game: 'I have listened to you, taken you seriously, labored to understand you clearly. Now it is your turn to reciprocate and treat me with the same kind of respect.' You may not be able to use this kind of language; that's why it is important to demonstrate by your actions what kind of response you offer -- and are looking for. Sorry about ending that sentence with a preposition.
This is a very brief summary of some of the important points of active listening. Others relate to using listening as a means to de-escalate a potential conflict, keeping a cool head when other stakeholders may not be doing the same, recognizing the difference between a person and the problem that needs to be resolved.
Don't forget , you can fight fires without burning bridges, Steve.
| 
