Q & A Table of Contents
FUNDAMENTALS OF NEGOTIATION
From: Student (Canada)
Question 1: What do you do consider to be the fundamental steps in the negotiation process, be it resolving a conflict with a boss, peer, parent, etc.? What should one do before, during, and after the talks.
Response 1: The first and most important thing to do is to prepare. Examine why you want a given outcome, not just what outcome you want. Ask the same question(s) about the anticipated interests of other parties. Even though to assume puts one at the risk of making an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me', it is important to make assumptions about what to expect as the negotiation goes forward. These assumptions can give you points for reality testing. If your assumption about a given point is incorrect, then it may be a good idea to rethink your approach.
Another step is to establish rapport. Not just in terms of agreeing on when to meet, which movie star you both think is 'fabulous', but also determining whether every party to a negotiation is on the same page. If you've got different items on your agendas, reaching agreement can be difficult.
Learning is the next step in the process; remember you learn more with your mouth closed and ears open than the other way around. Listen to what others say; take their opinions seriously into consideration. Don't just try to wait them out so you can 'zap' them when they finally shut up. If you listen well, your response is far more likely to be something to which they will react favorably.
One further element of the process cannot properly be called a step; it should be going on all the time: analyze what is going on. Keep a clear head. This may require taking a time-out to rethink your approach. You can ask for a couple of minutes by yourself to do this; if all else fails, say you need to use the bathroom. No one can argue with that -- and it's a great place for calm thinking.
Perhaps the last point to make about the negotiation process is that you need to know when to quit. Know how to indicate agreement has been reached. And a corollary of this is: when people agree with you, it's time to stop trying to convince them.
Question 2: How would you define negotiation? And what's the point of it? What is the goal of negotiation, and if there are different outcomes/goals, why?
Response 2: Negotiation is a process civilized people use to reach agreement. The goal of negotiation is not to win, it is to succeed. The mechanism of successful negotiation is collaboration, the work of a partnership rather than a means for kicking butt.
Question 3: Name some tactics, strategies, tricks, tips, reminders about what you SHOULD do during the negotiation process.
Response 3: During the negotiation process, pay attention. Listen to others. Treat them with respect. Take them seriously. Be aware when your assumptions are proved incorrect, and think of ways to deal with the realities you discover. Know when it is better to walk away, when it is not worth continuing, when you are better off negotiating with someone else to solve a given problem or when you are better off taking care of it yourself. Pay attention to the balance of power before and during negotiation. Figure out what factors influence that power balance and how you can improve yours and weaken 'theirs'.
Question 4: What should one NOT do in negotiation? Are there common mistakes/pitfalls/traps to avoid?
Response 4: The most common mistakes people make in negotiation is to treat it as warfare or as a zero-sum game. Most of the negotiating you will do in life is with the same people over and over again: fellow-workers, spouse, family, friends, boss, etc. If you consider each negotiation as an episode in an ongoing relationship, your behavior will be more appropriate.
One fundamental rule is: only one person can be angry at a time. Don't let the situation escalate, civility will slip away awfully quickly and you'll have a very tough time healing the relationship or solving the initial issue.
Question 5: Do you have any advice or other wisdom to offer about other factors that can affect negotiations? Is there any particular importance to attach to emotion/personality, culture, gender, time pressure, leverage, other people such as mediators?
Response 5: Negotiation requires an open mind, good preparation, and a tremendous amount of creativity. If you always give the same kind of responses, that's not creative and it is not likely to contribute to a solution. If your response is unexpected, shows imagination, it is likely to bring others up short and make them think more creatively themselves.
Don't expect that all males/females fall into a single category. Don't assume that a person's ethnicity determines their behavior. The same person may respond differently on different days: health problems, issues at home or work, and other factors can make a difference.
Question 6: Why do you think negotiation skills are an essential skill to have for one's personal and professional life?
Response 6: Since negotiation is the process we use from infancy until just before we die, the issue is not a matter of recognizing that negotiation is a fundamental life skill. The real goal should be to understand how to negotiate effectively to reach wise solutions to all kinds of issues. In ancient times, when two landowners had a disagreement they would hire knights - mercenaries - to 'wage war' to determine who was right. Then someone invented lawyers, and for the past thousand years or so, we have been 'waging law' to determine who's right. Negotiation is a means we can use to 'wage peace'. It can make all of life more pleasant.
Good luck and good negotiating, Steve.
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