Q & A Table of Contents
Fear of Negotiation
From: Saparmyrat Turkmenistan
Question:
I really don't know how to negotiate well. I think what I have is: Fear! Fear of losing the deal or losing the person makes me be a weak negotiator. I don't know how to make it better, I always would like to make the other side happy keeping in a good peace. I think another keyword I focus on is Peace! I really focus on having a peace in every negotiation and that leads me to weaker positions.
What do you recommend?
Response:
Many people are afraid to negotiate for a variety of reasons — lack of preparation, not understanding the negotiation process, not knowing strategies and tactics that can be employed during negotiation — or when or why to use particular strategies or tactics. However, what you are describing is obviously none of these since you have a good intellectual knowledge of the process and why certain issues/tactics/strategies should be considered.
Fear of negotiating is very normal — we would all rather be thought of as a nice person than as an aggressive type who demands that other people do things his/her way. However this misses a crucial point: everyone is entitled to pursue his or her own interests (or those of his/her employer, family, or other group). If you have asked yourself why a particular desired result is important to you, and if you have done a good job forcing yourself to take a hard look at your interests, that can help you become a better advocate for what’s important to you.
Let me recommend the following steps that should help you overcome your fear:
- Examine your interests. Ask yourself why you think a particular outcome will be a good thing for you. Each time you figure out why a particular outcome is good, ask why again so that you can drill down to develop a better understanding of your real core interests.
- Once you have a clear-eyed view of what your interests are and why they are important, try to figure out the interests of other folks with whom you may be negotiating. You should certainly consider their financial interests, but also pay attention to interests relating to their ego, the degree to which given outcomes may contribute to their self-fulfillment, and similar impacts on things that cannot be measured by money alone.
- If you are negotiating with someone as one of several competitors — for a job, for example — give very careful thought to the characteristics your negotiation partner is looking for in the choice he/she will be making. For example, in an employment situation, offering yourself at too high or too low a level of pay/compensation may send a message about your self-image that has an impact on whether you get the job or the pay. Get a sense of the market range before undertaking negotiation.
- Once you have absorbed this range of information as well as possible, consider your BATNA — what’s the worst that can happen as a consequence of the negotiation? If that worst case scenario is actually what happens, prepare yourself for it as best you can.
- Rehearse your arguments, the points you think are likely to be convincing. If possible, discuss this with a family member or friend who will give you a cold-blooded response — rather than someone who simply wants to please you and will say that whatever you plan to do should be great.
- Look in the mirror and tell yourself:
- My interests are legitimate.
- Advocating for my interests is appropriate — and I can do a better job for myself than someone else can do for me.
- And most important — when you look in the mirror before you go forth to negotiate, remind yourself: “I am entitled to advocate for my interests. I am obliged to represent myself. I have every right, as well as an obligation, to pursue my interests.”
- Remember that no one has all the answers, that each negotiating party adds value to the transaction, and that what you are doing is perfectly appropriate as a means for looking after yourself.
Good luck, and good negotiating,
Steve
| 
