How Can I Get Taken Seriously?

From: Wong, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

Question: I am a talkative person in front of my friends and classmates. I am well known for my friendliness and sense of humor. But now I am working. I found that I do not talk much in front of my colleagues. I do not know why. perhaps it is because I never try to mix around with them. I tried once before, I created a joke in a day but no one laughed or gave me any response.....I felt shamed and worry whether I should change my communications skills when I talk to them. Should I mature a bit when I talk to them because I used not to be a very serious person in front of my friends and classmates....please teach me how can I be accepted into their group.

Response: This is not strictly a negotiation problem — unless you view it as a matter of negotiating with yourself to bring about a change in how people perceive your personality.

In spite of that, I would recommend you use certain negotiation techniques:

• Listen to how people communicate on the job. Try to follow the examples of the folks who get the most respect or are taken most seriously.
• Find out whether your colleagues socialize with each other outside the workplace.
• When you don’t understand what is happening, rather than inventing a humorous way to deal with it, observe how your colleagues respond — and why they take that approach.
• Look for one or two people among your colleagues who seem most like you — or most likely to be willing to offer you advice.
• Ask questions, you learn more with your ears open than with your mouth open.
• If your interactions at work are not yielding the kind of friendships you seek, perhaps you should figure out how to separate your social life from your work life.
• Answer questions clearly — taking care not to make a joke out of what others view seriously.
• Try to figure out your interests, those of your colleagues, and those of other stakeholders in your business life. Interests are the underlying needs that drive the decisions people make.
• When you are in a conversation remember to think fast, but talk slowly.

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