Q & A Table of Contents
She's A Loose Cannon, But I Have To Work With Her
From: Mark, Hampstead, England
Question: How can I deal with:
- A female colleague who lies to me in a way which endangers our business, client relations and my patience. She speaks the truth 90% of the time but will suddenly come with an outrageous lie for no apparent reason. She has been caught red-handed several times but "won't learn", she'll stupidly try to bluff me again later.
- My boss who doesn't seem to think it matters (although he was a witness at least once).
I was employed after both of them and am rising quickly in my position - with the continued help of my boss! He's not stopping me at all, rather he seems to want me to rise to the top.
With the female colleague it's a slightly different story. She both depends on and wants my help, is attracted to me, will refuse to help me back, sees me as competition, sometimes sabotages joint jobs in a stroppy way, and keeps trying to catch my attention in a quite emotional way while at the same time making it look like she couldn't care less about me. A pretty mixed up case.
I've got work to do. I want to be able to trust my boss. I want to be able to have an equally supportive working relationship with my female colleague.
But if they won't co-operate - what can I do ?
Response: Your critical job in any negotiation is to focus on your own interests. In the situation you describe, you want to succeed in your current position and get ahead within the company. The supportive boss you describe seems to be an ideal person for whom to be working.
Your understanding of your female colleague sounds pretty clear. You have a reasonably good idea of what to expect from her -- even if what you can expect has to include unpleasant surprises. You should take a very close look at all the elements of your interests regarding your relationship with your female colleague. If it is strictly business, which certainly makes the most sense in all but the rarest of circumstances, steeling yourself from her 'craziness' seems to be the best you can do.
It would be wise to develop a good rapport with your boss on the issues you have raised; if you and he develop a comfortable way of recognizing and dealing with your female colleague's foibles, you will build your relationship with him. If she does something foolish which he witnesses, it could make excellent sense to ask him afterwards how he has read her behavior and how he suggests you should respond to it. He has probably developed his own personal way of coping with her; asking his advice as diplomatically as possible could help you develop insights about your own responses to her -- and a sense of how vulnerable you might possibly be to her behavior as regards your long-term prospects at the company.
Unless you are a psychologist, you ought not consider trying to change her behavior. Your focus on what's best for you is far more likely to yield favorable results.
Good luck,
Steve
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