Q & A Table of Contents
I've Been Bulldozed
From: George Orlando, Florida
Question: I have one co-worker, a software engineer that is making life difficult for me. My weak manager has done little to slow him down.
I am the systems administrator, network engineer and security officer. He showed up one day and just took over, I went on vacation and he rearranged all the systems. He does not seem to know where his duties end and and mine begin. Everything has to be his way. He even admitted to the boss and me that he is a pain in the BUTT!!
He once apologized after I had the boss hold a meeting where we tried to clear the air. He still goes back to control mode and I feel my authority for what I have to accomplish has been
diminished.
I have responsibility for things that I have no control of. It's frustrating. I get along great with all the other software engineers and they also see this person as a control freak.
I would leave but the economy is so bad I feel I am stuck for now. Help!
Response: You should keep a close eye on other job possibilities in spite of the immediate problem in the economy. You may have to be prepared to relocate. Your focus on this is aimed at strengthening your BATNA, your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. The better your alternative, the stronger you will feel in facing the colleague who is a 'pain in the BUTT' as you say he described himself.
Spend some time with your colleague. Tell him that when he admitted that he can be a tough co-worker, his remark made you wonder how the two of you could improve the situation for each of you. Let him know that if you reach agreement about who does what, what systems are to be used, etc. it will be a lot easier for each of you. Try to find out about his personality: why is he a control freak? what is he afraid of? There is a bumper sticker I have seen many times: Strong Men Don't Bully. Perhaps you should try to figure out why he feels weak and how you can use those feelings/issues to improve your capacity to work collaboratively with him.
Think about how much time each of you has before you can retire. If it is within a livable range, perhaps you can simply go to work each morning after you've crossed off one more day before things get better. If your retirements are a long way off you should tell him, "Look, you and I are stuck with each other for a long time. A one-sided relationship won't work -- our output will suffer and each of us may have a problem with our annual personnel reviews. Let's work together to make a list of what each of us can contribute, what each of us thinks the other can contribute, and what each of us thinks needs to be changed to make things better."
Be open and honest about your feelings and your objectives. Give yourself a list of lines that cannot be crossed; if you find yourself dreading going to work every day, perhaps you have to find an escape mechanism that may involve a temporary break from your current career direction. Better to be frustrated by some things than being stressed out be a control freak colleague.
Good luck,
Steve
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