Q & A Table of Contents
Grin And Bear It, Or Bare It And Grin?
From: Mary, Toronto, Canada
Question: A friend works for the Provincial government which recently came out of an 8-week strike. He actually had to work through the strike though because of his financial situation . . . . of course needed the money for rent, student loans, and all the stuff he needs to regularly buy for his diabetes. Now that the strike is over and everyone is back to work, he's finding it extremely difficult to handle the attitude that all his co-workers are giving him. His co-workers are all ignoring him and doing as if he doesn't even exist, which of course is not fair . . they are judging someone without knowing the person's reasons for the decision he took. I have just suggested that he don't let things get to him, go on as if nothing's wrong and that eventually things will get better, but it doesn't seem to be helping and my friend is finding it more and more difficult to deal with the situation at work. How would you suggest he handle this situation?
Response: If your friend has not already done so, the first thing he should do is let people know why he did not join the strike -- and how very much he appreciates the sacrifices the strikers made to bring about whatever improvements in the working environment the strike yielded. He should realize that, while some of the strikers may have been able to afford the loss in pay during the work stoppage, a significant number of others may have had to go deeply into debt or renegotiate existing obligations to keep from losing their cars or homes or other items. Thus, unless his situation was really far more extreme than his colleagues, the credibility of his reason for staying at work is skating on thin ice.
He needs to think hard about his interests. If rebuilding relationships is extremely important to him, he should try to learn about the interests and concerns of his colleagues and develop ways to demonstrate that he takes them (the colleagues and their concerns) seriously. Perhaps there are committees to follow-up on agreements resulting from the strike that may not be glamorous but for which he could volunteer and in so doing gain some points.
Another possibility is that he could send thank you notes to strikers acknowledging his indebtedness to them and their efforts on behalf of their colleagues. This is potentially risky; some folks may consider a thank you note a pretty cheap shot attempt to buy back favor so he should be very thoughtful before taking this approach.
Your friend could try to prioritize in terms of whose respect/friendship he most values. Then he should look for common issues for redeveloping favorable relationships with those people. If he finds that other non-strikers have had more success than he at regaining collegial relationships with people who did strike, he should look for hints of how they have been able to succeed.
The bottom line is that when you go against the majority, you should anticipate the consequences. If one does so before the strike, for example letting people know that you want to join the strike but are not able to for compelling reasons, that is far more likely to help you maintain some credibility than waiting until the strike is over to try to re-establish relationships.
Your friend faces serious challenges; I wish him luck.
Steve
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