Q & A Table of Contents
How Do I Cope With A Colleague's Youth, Brilliance, And Competitiveness?
From: Nickie, Singapore
Question: I have recently been joined in my company by a sort of long-time business type friend. Strictly business and money -- that is all he seems to want to talk about. This can be quite tiring.
He is about ten years younger but has a very high opinion of himself and I must admit is rather bright technically. As a result, almost all conversations involves very defensive responses from me.
My main problem is that I think he perceives that I am weak but I am just trying to keep the peace... I have been doing the business for 4 years and he joins with a very fat account to his credit and suddenly feels he is automatically on par with me and sees himself jointly running the business... The higher management is also getting to notice his prowess.
However, his main liability is impulsiveness, lack of patience, and tendency to make snap decisions without sufficient groundwork. However, he gets by very well by using 'twisted logic/thinking'.
Though I wish to quit, I need the job and pay is not bad except to endure the day to day dread of working with this colleague. How do I maintain my turf ? Because he is technically capable he could easily take over.. but I am not ready to throw in the towel... yet. I have about 10 years ahead of me left.
I quite understand that there is no easy solution, but I would still appreciate your response.
Response: It is important to break down the individual issues you raise. Trying to deal with everything at once can be daunting and perhaps enough to weaken you capacity to accomplish anything.
You need to work on your own perception of yourself. I shall assume that you are highly skilled, that you have your own accounts, that you have learned from experience. In addition, since you describe your colleague as impulsive, I must draw the conclusion that you don't shoot from the hip, but are more seriously analytical. But what I think does not count; your own understanding of your strengths is critical. You are the product; and if you don't believe in the product, you will surely have a hard time selling it to anyone.
As your sense of your strengths gets better developed, that will communicate itself in terms of confidence to your young colleague -- as well as other people. That does not mean you should be arrogant, but rather simply comfortable enough with who and what you are to give others the same feeling. When you reach that point, your young colleague should see the difference and respond accordingly. He will see less weakness and more strength. You will be less defensive and more comfortable.
During your self-image strengthening process you should also pay special attention to your communication style, particularly with your young colleague. There is an old expression: "God gave us two ears and one mouth; we should use them in that ratio." Listen to your colleague, ask questions and show interest in what he says, what he thinks, what he hopes to achieve. Listening is not a sign of weakness; it shows strength and self-confidence: 'I don't have to make a lot of noise to make an impression. If I listen and respond, it shows that I am someone to be reckoned with.'
You should take a look at who the stakeholders are in this situation and what their interests may be. If your young colleague is competing with you for the attention and approval of your superiors, you need to examine your superiors' interests. Are they looking for flash? Contributions to the bottom line? Team players? Experience? Someone who can build and maintain good client relationships? In the first instance, forget how your young colleague measures up to these benchmarks; the question is how well do YOU meet these standards -- and how can you do so even more effectively?
At some point you and your young colleague should explore your mutual interests. Looking for ways each of you can help the other succeed on a given deal -- or type of transaction -- could be a positive step to take.
If your young colleague is trying to overstep his position and become your equal or hierarchical superior, figure out what you and he have to gain by his achievement of either of these objectives. Perhaps he will find himself in a more stressful situation if he moves too far too fast.
You also mention his impulsiveness. Don't interfere with that. Where it brings him success, you might want to see how creativity might help you as well. If it gets him into trouble, you should be cautious about trying to use it against him. It could make more sense to let him deal with the problems he creates than getting the reputation of someone who tries to undercut a colleague for your own personal gain.
As you say, this is a tough situation. But if you look at it piece by piece I think you will reach a peaceful, successful result.
Good luck,
Steve
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