Q & A Table of Contents
How Can I Gain Their Respect?
From: Anne, Orlando, FL, USA
Question: I am in a relatively new position as a supervisor at an emergency shelter for youth. Most of the direct care employees are older than me, and my fellow supervisors are much older than me. (I'm 23) I am having difficulties gaining the respect of the direct care staff and I think it is linked to my age and the fact that I relocated here from another site. (same company though).
I have made some mistakes in building relationships with the staff. i.e. I have been perceived as immature and/or unprofessional when I have engaged in personable and/or fun behaviors with the staff. This compounded my problem instead of helping me to build those relationships. I am now receiving reports that the direct care staff are going above my head to the higher up administrators and telling them things that are not true about me. I want to make this a successful career venture for myself, and I have always conveyed positive intent when soliciting advice/feedback from the staff, but they seem unresponsive. What should I do??
Response: It sounds as if you have gotten yourself into a pickle and your attempts to solve the problems by yourself have not worked. You should start with your supervisors -- the 'higher up administrators' to whom you refer. Be honest with them. Ask them to tell you their understanding of how things are working out. Don't ask questions that can be answered by a 'yes' or 'no'; give them a chance to say what they think.
If they have specific criticisms about you or in some other ways understand the problems you are having, your next set of questions should be aimed at developing a strategy for turning things around. "What would you do if you were in my shoes? Is there any way you might intervene to help improve the situation?" You might ask them what their expectations of you were before you arrived and how those expectations might have changed since then. The questions should be asked separately; their answer to the first may inform you of the extent of their interest in helping solve the situation.
It may be that you have already burned too many bridges to be able to reach your full potential at this location, so it might make sense to do a little research on relocation possibilities. Then, when you deal with the 'big bosses' you will have a better understanding of what alternatives you have. This will help you put your situation in context and strengthen your capacity to negotiate with confidence.
Above all, be honest. If you have made mistakes which they describe, admit them. Don't blame other people. Take responsibility for yourself and it will encourage your bosses to think of you as a pro-active person rather than as a victim. If you start off as a victim, that is how you will emerge.
Think of what the experience is teaching you and how you can apply the lessons in the future. Difficulties teach us more than success does.
Good luck in this tough situation.
Steve
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