Q & A Table of Contents
His House's Paint Makes Ours Look Bad
From: Barbara, New Paltz, New York
Question: My neighbor's house needs a serious painting and repair. He's been saying for years he's going to do it and then never does. It's mostly the side that faces our house that's the worst. We've even told him that we could help him (since he's mentioned he's going to do it) when we do ours--which we painted several years ago. Help. It looks awful and people have told us so.
Response: ou have taken a critical step -- apparently several times -- by being straightforward in your communication with your neighbor. Telling him what you think is an important part of getting your point across.
The real challenge is finding out why he has not painted or repaired his house. The issue may be financial, his ego may not feel comfortable thinking that he is fixing things up because other people have told him to do so, he may be depressed or in some way making a statement about his self-image by the way his house appears. There are many possibilities when you consider his possible motivation -- or lack of motivation. He may feel that with so many folks criticizing him, people don't respect him. People need to feel respected, taken seriously. How you work with him on this issue will demonstrate the degree of respect you feel.
You need to do some real homework. Find people who know him and brainstorm with them about what makes him tick. There may be issues about which you are not aware. He may be overwhelmed by other responsibilities in his work or personal life. Once you have learned as much as you can, then you should be 'armed' with a list of questions for him to answer in calm, non-threatening conversation. The more you learn from him, the more likely it will be that you'll be able to develop a workable solution.
At worst, you could ask him for permission to let you paint the side of his house facing yours -- and perhaps the side facing the street. This is not a great solution in terms of your time, your effort, and even your money. However, you need to measure how important it is to you to get the problem solved. Once that is clear, you should have a better idea of how far you are prepared to go.
Good luck,
Steve
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